It's all a part of me and that's who I am"
When is the last time you pondered over who you are? What is it that makes you - you?! There are a lot of circumstances, failures, lessons, success, happiness and the influence of people in my life who make me who I am. Today I wanted to focus on the friendship aspect because even though I have written about it before, it is a subject I feel strongly about.
I'm so grateful for everyone in my life. I love them differently, individually, and separately for who they are and what I gain from them. I am overwhelmed with love in my life. Even as I write it tonight, it sounds a little cheesy. No woman can have that much support, that much love, that much perfect right?!? Right!!! That is the beauty of it though -- it isn't perfect. In fact it is far from it. Some days it is downright awful! My friendships fail at moments, my deepest connections hurt me when I thought they never could, I may not support someone in the correct way. I have to dig deep to forgive, be nice and love unconditionally. I disappoint my family, I run out of time for a more quality home life, or my attitude at work goes from positive to negative in seconds. Life is not perfect my dear friends and readers. I read a quote yesterday that said:
"There is no need to be perfect to inspire others.
Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections."
I believe in this whole heartedly! In fact I am learning and striving to live this very way. When I started sharing my story about Lincoln and losing my father, I found that people could relate. When I share struggles of moving and starting over, people can relate. When I say I fail at fitness, friendship or potty training my son, people can relate. When I joke that wine and chocolate fix problems, again people can relate! In my own selfishness of not wanting to be vulnerable, I held back and touched only on surface level issues. But when I finally freed myself of caring about judgment from others, I had people respond to me in the most amazing ways. I've reconnected with high school friends, college friends and people I was never really friends with at all. I have formed unique friendships with other moms from Lincolns therapy office, and I have the pleasure of meeting new people all the time. Give me a moment of your time and I will love talking to you and listening to your story!
One of my friends told me recently that I am better at meeting new people than most. I know her well and one quality I appreciate in her is her forwardness and ability to be honest. Chuckling, I asked her for further explanation knowing I probably didn't want it. She went on to say most of her friends do not want new friends or to share their time with others. She also asked me why I want a lot of friends. I was busting at the seams to tell her how silly and crazy that was! I have worked hard not to lose my relationships over the years as I have moved multiple times. In new states as I settled, I put myself out there meeting new people -- knowing that some attempts would end in utter failure, and other times I would succeed. Friendship isn't defined by how many Facebook likes you get or birthday wishes you receive on Instagram. I do not want a lot of empty people in my life, but I still have room for those I meet and feel a connection too. Friendship to me is a circle of strength, beauty, grace, loyalty and trust! I love having a tribe. I feel blessed to have multiple friendships with intelligent, funny, intriguing woman. As I explained that to her, I told her I would love to meet her dearest friends some day. With a smile, we both knew that probably wouldn't happen anytime soon and we went on to talk about shopping, work and life. Last night I was pleasantly surprised to be invited to a casual gathering with her friends on Saturday! Even though I have a full day myself, I will absolutely be making time to go!!! Please understand clearly that I think having close frijends is important and amazing. However, if I was close minded about adding and inviting others into my life or not trying to branch out when invited, I would NOT have the friends I have today. I have therapy friends, fitness friends, mom friends, single friends -- insert any type of word you want! I encourage you just once to put them together and your heart will burst at the seams with love!
I've definitely had some negative interactions through the process and for that I am grateful too. I learned to heal a hurtful heart and to let go. I learned that I am strong and beautiful and so much more than what others think of me. When someone hurts you, move on. It may change the present but staying true to who you are is the key to happiness. I was confiding in a friend recently that I feel guilty some days because I feel happy and content. I explained to her that my life has chaos like everyone else, I have moments of dissatisfaction, and I even asked her advice over a scenario in my life that blew me away and caused me to take a step back. Yet I still wake up most days and feel blessed. I think I have finally learned to see the light and the joy in situations. I have found healthy ways of processing the negatives that come my way. I know based on reality that I will face hard times again or moments that will rock my world, but I know I will be OK.
This upcoming Saturday I am so excited for ladies night! We are having a holiday Christmas event and I can't wait to see each lady looking stunning and tell each one how much she means to me. I put my heart into these moments, and believe me it IS NOT to say I have a lot of friends, because it is work. I know first hand how important connections are, something I think people tend to forget. Out of the ladies joining, some are new friends, some are old, but as I said in the beginning of this post, I love them differently, individually, and separately for who they are. In your happiest moments, don't forget who stood beside you. In your darkest moments, don't forget who caught your tears and held you up. You may think in passing that it doesn't matter, things will figure themselves out, but the reality is life doesn't work that way most of the time. Say I am sorry - first! Say I love you. Say thank you to those that matter to you. Forgive, forget and embrace the reason you cherish them.
I encourage you this year to be vulnerable, to trust your dearest friends more, to make new friends and to be a better version of you in the most imperfect way. I hope today my imperfections inspire you. Be imperfect and inspire someone else! If you've read my posts before you know I love calling myself a beautiful disaster. A lot of spice, sass, and attitude -- yet a heart of compassion, eyes that cry tears over the pain of others, a vulnerable sole living a perfectly imperfect life because I made the choice to do so and to be who I am.