"I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now"
Mercy Me ~ Homesick
Today marks two years that my father has been gone. Some days it feels like yesterday, some days it seems like a lifetime ago ... but most days it's a buried heartache deep in my soul filled with memories and love. I'll never forget the phone call on January 23, 2014 from my sister. In less than two seconds of her simply saying my name, I knew by her voice something was terribly wrong. Her first phone call was to inform me CPR was being performed, the second call ... brought screams of grief I didn't know I had in me ... my dad was gone.
I have replayed that day in my head over and over, but I know the what ifs and what could have beens don't change todays reality. My first love, the man I admired most is gone. He was only 54. Since that moment in time, I have changed ~~ a lot. I have lost friends, made fresh ones that quickly became some of my best friends, and strengthened friendships I already had. I am stronger and hardened, yet I am weaker in ways and more sympathetic. I learned that marriage isn't made of the fun times only, but the moments that make or break you ... and with a broken heart I leaned on my husband like never before willing him to take the pain away. While grief comes and goes, I will be forever grateful that I had a dad worth crying over ... tears the day I lost him, and more tears two years later as I celebrate his life. I hope in twenty years I still have laugh attacks with my family like he did and keep his legacy alive.
My dad was amazing. Sure I am partial, after all he was MY dad, but I truly believe those who knew him felt blessed to call him a friend. He was a man of few words, but I knew he was proud of me and what he taught me in life is irreplaceable. Some woman never experience the love of a father, but my dad's love was unconditional. I am grateful he was there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and that he was able to hold my son ~ whom I know held a special place in his gentle heart.
While I miss him daily and often feel cheated, I am choosing to celebrate my father today and all that he stood for. Cheers to an incredible man -- your baby girl still thinks the world of you, and homesick for you or not I know you are with the angels watching over my sweet Lincoln.
I can still see his two finger wave
Holding my son just weeks before he passed ...
I'd say dad's favorite thing to do with me was go boating! But really it was my favorite thing, and he always made time for it and me.
